Saturday, May 29, 2004

Brilliant, Disastrous Disaster

This summer's hot apocalyptic fantasy is everything I expected: bad, bad, worse, and rife with cliches. In other words, AWESOME.

I mean. Just. Wow. For one thing, I always find it amusing when a movie features Los Angeles getting destroyed. I like L.A.'s self-destructive fantasies. If I'm ever a grad student in film, I'll write a masturbatory research/analysis paper on the subject.

Rupert Murdoch evidently financed the movie. You can tell, not only from checking the IMDb listings, because every fake news clip is a FOX News channel. Even funnier is that the movie is quite heavy-handed in its anti-global warming stance, and conservatives are all Skeptical Environmentalist on us lately. The explanation for this I see? Perhaps Murdoch took into consideration the utter uneblievability of the film when he paid into it, thinking that people might be swayed to the opposite point of view. The global warming stance is portrayed, in the eyes of the discerning moviegoer, as completely unreal.

Dennis Quaid is a terrible actor.

Plus, they used the exhausted cliche of a main character making a pointless journey to "save" a family member, and in the process finds affection once more with an estranged ex-spouse. Couple that with the lone scientist who has the explanation for the problem that no one else believes except one other dude, but then it's TRUE, only by the time they figure that out they're all doomed, anyway, and you have the major plotline of any disaster movie.

But this had even less motivation than most I've seen. The fact that it has characters is almost incidental.

The cgi wolves were terrible. The tidal wave that swallowed Manhattan was really terrible, because anyone who has ever seen a regular wave knows that the ocean wouldn't move like a big pile of sludge like it did here. It moves fast and it moves hard. You can't really outrun it like they did.

I don't want to write spoilers (although, really, who cares? You don't see this crap to be surprised if you see it at all), but what happened with the scientists in Scotland was insanely stupid.

I went with a big group--including Jana, who normally dislikes it when I ruin movies by mocking them, but in this case, she mocked right along with me--and we got shushed at least once. Dude, who takes this seriously? Half the theater was laughing at all the badness, too, so it wasn't like we were lone assholes.

But anyway, I loved this because it was so incredibly bad. If you like to watch bad movies and laugh at them, watch it. Otherwise, skip it.

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