Saturday, September 09, 2006

When somebody asks if I'm okay, I don't know what to say.

The badness continued this week. In a physical manifestation of stress and irritation, I made my neck angry, and it has remained angry for a few days now. Work continued to make me want to pull my hair out and/or shoot myself in the face (such a lovely metaphor), so much so that on Thursday, my boss was actually worried about me, because by 4 p.m., my brain had pretty much turned itself off. Also, I got in trouble for writing a swear word on paper. It's almost funny when we talk about it in the office, but it isn't really that funny.

I feel pretty lethargic and tired and unexcited about life this weekend. I can't really even think about doing "fun" things because even watching TV is sort of too much--not that it stops me from leaving it on nigh constantly, because what else can I do to distract myself from how crappy I'm feeling?

I have a hunch that if I started exercising and being good, I might feel stronger and some of this neck shit would take care of itself more, and I'd have a better outlet for stress, and I'd feel more energetic in general after awhile, but fuck, getting to that point feels to me like climbing Everest. I have to sit down and catch my breath just thinking about it.

Sometimes I feel like a hobo who can't catch a train. I'm waiting at the tracks, but they keep passing me by. I see all the other hobos getting on, but I can't seem to do it myself.

Wow, this post is a fucking downer. Sorries.

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