Wednesday, July 21, 2004

If Experience Is Required, It's Not Entry Level

Many classified ad writers seem to fall into this trap. They mean to say they are looking for a relatively inexperienced worker--probably so they can justify paying them dirt--but they call it "entry level." And, within mere sentences, contradict themselves by requesting that applicants have under their belt at least a year of related experience in addition to that oh-so-useful college degree.

If you need experience IN ADDITION TO college... IT'S NOT ENTRY LEVEL.

In other pointless rants, the LA Times crossword last week had the clue, "Apple portable computer," five letters. No, not an iBook! Through cheating, I learned they meant the Emate, which, according to my friend Rob, is something related to the Newton that had a little fold-out keyboard and was similar to a PDA for educational purposes, or something. At any rate--that was a bad clue! I was very mad about this clue! I wanted to yell at the people who wrote the puzzle! Because I am just that bored and frustrated!

So I still haven't heard from the people I interviewed with over a week ago, and people are telling me I should call and have a little speech like, "Uhhmmm, yeah, so what's up with the job? I still totally want it. Oh, right, here's where I kiss ass, awkward-professional-style, and say if you have any additional questions that can help you make the decision, let 'em rip! I can take it."

The thought of making this call--not to mention the question of which interviewer to direct my call to--makes me want to puke. I already sent a damn thank-you card reiterating that I really want the damn job. It was pretty. I used a nice pen.

What I really want, though, is to stop looking at job ads. Because they are depressing.

The other day, it occurred to me that I might want to go to school to become a dietician--I have no idea what kind of schooling this entails--because it might be fun. I've been unemployed a month and already I've sunk this low.

Dietician. What in the holy fuck?

That sounds almost as bad as the Kids in the Hall Hecubis sketch where Dave Foley doses Kevin McDonald with sodium pentathol to put him in a "trance" and discovers that he fantasizes about being a dentist. "'Cause they've got it all figured out, man!"

I've gone too far, and for too little.

On the sort-of-amusing side of life, Kevin got some nice clothes to wear to his sister's wedding, and actually contemplated wearing a tie. You have no idea how much that would amuse and please me.

Something has to.

Emate. What the fuck.

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