And a good week was had by all.

First of all, I am sorry I didn't call everyone in Seattle. Wait, scratch that, I'm not really sorry, because I had a good time with the people I did see, and any more may have done me in.

Which is to say, I just got home from a week-long road trip to the Pacific Northwest with Kevin and his dad. We made it to Seaside just before sunset last Saturday. The next day, my mom and I headed to Olympia to visit Becky and her mom while Kevin and his dad took a scenic, coastal route up to Seattle to visit Kevin's sister and her baby daughter.

My mom and I got into Olympia mid-afternoon and headed straight to Becky's mom's house. We spent a comfortable evening and morning in their company (and that of the nice big dog and Becky's cat), eating spaghetti for dinner and looking at photos from Europe. Becky's mom had some shots from Paris that were hilarious (such as the B.M. Pressing sign). Becky also gave me a Mayan abdominal massage, which was really interesting, informative, and good. I would definitely seek this out in the future.

In the morning, we got coffee, thrifted at Value Village, got lunch and more coffee, then headed to North Bend to visit my aunt, her son, and his wife at their new “family compound.” We helped out with some unpacking and grocery shopping for them and enjoyed the tranquil surroundings. Their backyards look out onto grassy acreage, trees, and Mount Si. You can barely see any neighbors. It's completely ridiculous.

The next afternoon, my mom took me into Seattle to spend time with Kevin and his family. I was looking forward to meeting his 7-month-old niece, Zoe, and I'm glad I did: she has the most piercing blue eyes, a beautiful smile, and is a completely adorable baby. I am not really into babies, but I liked Zoe instantly. Kevin was happy to see me and I ended up staying over at their house.

I also heard from the few Seattle friends I had bothered to try to contact, so I got to see people on the 4th of July. First I walked around Green Lake with Christine. In jeans. In 85 degree heat. Smart! Then I walked another mile to Chris's house and met his new girlfriend and had lunch at Chile Pepper in Wallingford, which I always passed by and somehow never tried. I missed out: the cheese enchilada with mole sauce was delightful. Kevin met up with us and talked to Chris and Sara for awhile before joining me at the low-key (but completely jammin', by which I mean they were drunk-ish and making raspberry jam) holiday get-together at Lauren's house, co-hosted by Josie. Lauren finally made good on her threats to raise chickens (three non-roosters per household being allowed within city limits), one of which she named Jonathan Franz-hen after the owner of her house. Kevin had to leave suddenly when my mom, who was in the neighborhood to find some grub and pick me up, noticed a cop and some tow trucks near what she soon realized was Kevin's car and called me to make sure it didn't get towed away. (The no parking signs were put up after we checked, for the record.)

Mom wanted to get out of town before the post-fireworks traffic frenzy, so we did just that. We headed back to Olympia, thinking about maybe seeing a movie, but the times weren't right, so we drove by an old friend's house and stopped in to say hello. It was a nice visit with someone I haven't seen in a long time, someone I looked up to when I was in high school. Then we crashed at Becky's mom's house again, so I got to hang out with Becky some more and talk to her mom in the morning.

Thursday afternoon we drove to Portland and picked up my 6-year-old niece, Kahnya, and took her to see Ratatouille. I enjoyed the movie, and though I think a lot of it went over her head, she enjoyed enough of it that she wanted to help us cook dinner afterwards. After dinner, I took her and her little sister to the neighborhood park. In the morning, we read books in the backyard and waited for Kevin and his dad to appear. Yes, I have been dating the same guy for almost five years and this was the first time he met my Cambodian family. They warmed to him after awhile, once he crawled inside the playhouse with them and let them lay cards on his legs and arms (a strange game I cannot really explain).

I said goodbye to my brother and his wife and kids, as well as my mom, and headed south with Kevin and his dad. We grabbed lunch at a Whole Foods just south of Portland, then stopped only once to pee before making it to Mr. Shasta for the night. Kevin drove like a man on a mission: a mission to get home with one day of weekend left to spare. Kevin's dad loves Mt. Shasta and already knew where he wanted to eat and stay. We took it easy in the morning, taking time to check out the 4th of July street fair on the main drag before driving five hours straight home, stopping for lunch/dinner at Habibi in Fremont. I was so hungry I damn near licked my plate clean, and had dessert, too, but in my defense, it was pretty much the only meal I had yesterday.

Once home, Kevin helped me set up my new bed frame, which is pretty and gets me up off the floor a little more than I anticipated. It's very comfortable. This morning I made it back to my farmers' market and found plenty of goodies to get me through the next few days before we get our CSA share again. By the way, does anyone know what to do with fresh black-eyed peas?

Oh, we're terrific.

Today was the appointed day. The day of reckoning. The day...of cleaning.

I have a blister on my right index fingertip from all the scrubbing. The folding table has been put back in the garage and the kitchen is no longer being used as a giant storage receptacle. Work surfaces have been scrubbed. Recycling has been brought out to the bin in droves. Floors were swept; rugs were vacuumed. And still, there is work yet to be done.

The kitchen is largely done, I think, but the living room has a bunch of Kevin's crap (and no doubt a little of mine) that needs to be dealt with. The room I'm in now (dubbed "The Other Room") is in extreme need of organization and purposing--my desk, project workspace for Kevin, sitting area, futon, storage. The futon needs its frame, which needs my new bed frame to be stained and assembled before it can stop moonlighting as a platform bed, and there's still a TV and PS2 in here, not hooked up to anything. And one of those large exercise balls (meant to be) used to do pilates and the like.

I ate a veggie chicken burger at Happy Bamboo today that was delightful. Pretty much all the food I put in my mouth today was heavenly, actually, save maybe the neglected, lukewarm coffee and the muggy room temp water. I made almond-cinnamon pancakes with strawberries for breakfast, and at lunch we had summer rolls and veggie drumsticks (quite possibly HB's best dish; the only thing we order unfailingly).

Also, I have been watching Twin Peaks season 2. I regret watching it after dark because it's nonsensical and fucked up in a way that can haunt my dreams.

Plus I am tired. I want to go to the farmers' market tomorrow and see if anyone has avocados, and buy peaches and cherries.

I am thinking of coming up to Portland/Seaside sometime in July, well after my mom gets home from Europe. I am trying to convince Kevin to come with me. I am feeling pretty anti-event-attendance this year, but I am warming up to the idea of casual socializing. It's feeling very hard right now, and I am feeling that I've wronged a lot of people and have a lot to apologize for, just by disappearing.

Things about today that were worthwhile.

• Chopping off half my hair
• Getting hit on by the ticket window guy at Maker Faire and only having to pay $10 to get in (under-21 student price--despite my asking for an adult ticket and being an adult, I was told, "Are you sure you're not a student? Aw, well, today you are." I blame the boobs, which were on display
• Seeing the Evolution Control Committee perform, including the song that got them in hot water with CBS, "Rocked by Rape" (accompanied by a slide show that, among other things, once flashed an image of Tori Amos while the word "rape" was said)
• Getting my current favorite soap from a vendor for $4 apiece
• Meeting up with my sister and her friend, who ended up being pretty geeky-cool, as well as running into Jess and one of Kevin's coworkers
• Kevin admitting that he was glad I convinced him to come, because he ended up getting a lot of information and enjoyment out of our brief time at the Faire
• Eating, almost completely by chance, at a good South Indian restaurant we'd heard about before. Their spring dosa was TOPS

Oh Bjork, were you brought by the stork?

Last night we saw Bjork for the second time ever. I never thought I'd see her a first time, so this was a treat. It was at the massive (and massively ugly) Shoreline Amphitheater, which is just as impersonal and ad-ridden as you can imagine. Regardless, Bjork was lovely--resplendant in one of those bizarre getups only she could pull off, a sparkly gold dress with a bubble skirt and giant ruffles covering every other surface, coupled at times with a blue cape and a bigger, more colorful ruffled...thing on her chest. Oh, and transluscent white leggings with low-heel black ankle boots. Her accompaniment was a group of 10 Icelandic ladies playing horns (and wearing flags), a keyboardist, a drummer, and two dudes playing extremely high-tech and visually interesting synthesizers. Of course, Kevin immediately knew what the things were and approximately how much they cost. (Hint: It's a lot of money.)

She played stuff off Post, Homogenic, at least one thing off Vespertine ("Pagan Poetry" may have been the only one), the song from the Olympics, and mostly new stuff, I think. They played "I Miss You" with the horns and a trumpet solo and I thought we might get "It's Oh So Quiet" (horns!), but no such luck. But, "Army of Me" was one of my favorites--it ushered in the use of the green laser stuff, which looked kinda like they were shooting out of her arms when she held them up on the beat.

Joanna Newsom opened. I had only heard a little of her stuff before, and it was very quiet for such a large venue. Kevin told me he read on Wikipedia that she hates having her voice compared to a child's, but we both felt it was more like Cyndi Lauper's than anything. Kevin also suggested that Bjork only picks opening acts who won't upstage her (evidence: Joanna Newsom; Bonnie "Prince" Billy).

In other news, I have been going to therapy and I saw a psychiatrist who told me to try some prozac. I had been kind of feeling maybe better and was on the fence about medication, but I figured it can't hurt (too much) to try. I don't really know what else to say about that.

I've also been totally uncommunicative with friends, for months and months and months, and that is very bad. For the record, I probably won't answer the phone if you call me. I just...don't really feel like talking. If you email I will probably write you something back, but phones, no. And I will probably not send the first email, either, because I don't know what to say besides "Hi, how are you, I suck as a person and as a friend" and then the onus is on you to dispell these distorted thoughts I have about myself before you can even get around to talking about you for a change.

Music I have been listening to lately: Pony Up! (especially "The Truth About Cats and Dogs (Is That They Die)", Peter Bjorn and John, Ted Leo + Pharmacist's newest album.

Noise violations.

I could fucking KILL MY NEIGHBORS. Who the shit hires someone to come dig up their driveway with equipment that sounds like it's too busy eating babies' souls to do anything else AT 7:30 AM ON A WEEKEND? Who?

My neighbors. MULTIPLE TIMES. Two weeks ago it was the people next to me. That shit woke me out of a sound effing slumber. Today? People across the street. Same deal. I had my window open because it's goddamn 80 degrees up in here and fresh air is nice and LOOK HOW IT REPAYS ME.

I looked some shit the fuck up. CAMPBELL HAS A NOISE ORDINANCE. Of course they do. They are nice little nanny-state community. Do you know what time is legally acceptable for power tools on the weekend?

9 FUCKING AM.

Complaints to be filed. Fuck you, neighbors.

Also, I am TOTALLY allowed to park on the STREET in front of your house.

HMOs suck.

Because an awesome system for people seeking psychiatric care for unknown-to-the-HMO reasons is to make it absolutely impossible for them to (1) schedule an appointment or (2) talk to a human being who isn't going to treat them like they are insignificant, then follow it up with a "Wait, this isn't an emergency, right?" like it's some kind of passing question. For a MEDICAL FACILITY.

I think my mom's potential response is best: "If I say yes, will I get an appointment?"

Jesus, I'm not standing on a bridge here, but. I really hate the phone, and I know they don't know that, but the simple fact that I've actually called them twice speaks volumes to the people who know me. I'm trying. Today I was okay; tomorrow I might not be.

For realsies.

I need a productive weekend. I have onyx-tinted water-based varnish and sealer/topcoat/whatever and other assorted tools to make the pieces of my unassembled, unfinished, solid pine platform bed frame into something vaguely attractive and protected so I can stop sleeping 3" off the floor on a mattress that's continually sliding off the side of the futon frame.

On losing my shit.

In case you hadn't noticed, there has been a severe dearth of posts here lately. Sometimes even when I have a lot to say I don't want to spit it out in so public an arena (though I'm sure most people who tried to read me "regularly" disappeared) and sometimes I just don't want those thoughts captured for posterity. The internet is here to stay, people.

So obviously a major contributor to my not-blogging has been depression, which has a long and storied history lately for me. If you can call "wants to do nothing but lie in bed, watching incresingly shittier TV and eating Ben & Jerry's fudge brownie frozen yogurt until she's sick, if she feels up to getting some at the store without feeling insanely guilty about it" storied, anyway.

Really, I only did the B&J's bit once. Well, twice. But it's low fat. And I probably didn't eat dinner at least one of those times. I KNOW, OKAY.

But this has been going on for, oh, months now. At one point I had an enlightening conversation with my friend Chris, who--I love you, Chris, but part of me had this thought that I wasn't fucked up because, hey, Chris is way more fucked up than me! And here you are, doing the work to un-fuck-up yourself. Or at least that's what you told me and then you pretty much disappeared off the face of the internet, which only sounds healthy. (P.S. please email me that you're okay and didn't jump off a bridge or something.) Anyway, I kept oscillating between really low and totally neutral post-conversation and continued having more conversations with other people about, well, myself--this depression is really killing any notions I had of myself being NOT narcissistic--and trying to figure out what is up with me.

Really, I think it boils down to these things:
-I keep telling myself I can't do things.
-I keep not doing those things and adding new things to not do.
-I hate myself for not doing those things.
-I am indiscriminately angry at myself and the world.
-I feel stuck all the time.
-I feel unable to enjoy a lot of the fun things that happen in life, even if I actually do them.
-I am totally distracted by all of the above, especially the self-loathing thought loop, pretty much all the time.

This means:
-My house is a mess.
-I have a lot of chores that are typically not getting done.
-I had not been eating as well as I should (with the start of my CSA season I've been making headway in the "getting kitchen clean enough to cook, then actually cooking" department).
-Work feels hard because I can't concentrate as well as I should and I let those "I hate my job" thoughts take over.
-I lack confidence in the Secret Number 4 whatever thing (oh, hell, it's a casual job search).
-Totally not doing anything on the "get exercise" front, obviously.
-Totally not talking to pretty much anyone except the people who make a concerted effort to talk to me, and even then, I am mostly buttoned up. Then with the other people I can't shut the fuck up and it's all about me.

I am probably going to regret posting some of those things.

So yesterday, I finally got over my phone phobia (incidentally, also worse) enough to call fucking Kaiser and try to get an appointment to see a psychiatrist. And you know what? They were "extremely busy" and would have to call me back. Every time I went to the ladies' room at work on Friday afternoon I was trying to hurry up in case they called me back just as I was taking a dump. That's just undignified. But they have until Monday at 5, apparently, to call me back, so I guess I'll be worrying all of Monday, too. Thanks, mental health services at my HMO. You know how to make a girl feel special.

(It will all be forgiven if I get an appointment and shit works out okay. Otherwise, they can eat me.)

I am going to crawl back into my hole and stew over my neighbors' hiring a motherfucking cement mixer at 7:30 am for the second weekend in a row. Thanks a lot, assholes.

Chiasmus!

Hey, look! It is a blog entry from mental_floss about the weird word I chose to use as my domain! How fun!

It's spring.

rogue chef - first course
Originally uploaded by emily ca..

I'm still here. Still feeling a looming gray cloud over my head. Still not really wanting to write about it so I can look back and cringe at my 25-year-old lameness when I'm 30 or older.

But here is a delightfully springy first course at the delightful Rogue Chef in Half Moon Bay. For more sexy food photos and other things, wander on over to my Flickr page, or for rambling about places I've been to lately, check out my Yelp page.

Up too close.

Well, I haven't blogged in ages. I've been here, having nothing to say, or nothing that I feel like saying in a public blog. I've been alternately finding refuge in idle entertainment, becoming horrified by my own settling, and getting sick, so it's been an awesome fucking month.

I did get a new cell phone, though. You know, that thing that I am unlikely to answer if you call. It has a lot of extraneous features (i.e., any of them that don't involve storing phone numbers, making phone calls, and receiving voice mail), some of which are even a little bit interesting, much as I hate to admit it. There is the camera, which allows me to take grainy photos of the world around me to use as my phone's wallpaper. There are the trial versions of java games that allow me to play the same one level repeatedly, if I am so inclined to use up my battery. There is a bluetooth deal that would allow me to walk around with the Borg-like earpiece, looking like a giant tool, if I felt like spending the money to get that. It also plays mp3s and gets FM radio, but I haven't really used those, either. Additionally, it is my first flip phone--and my first non-Nokia phone--so I am compulsively flipping it open and shut.

Wow, I had a lot to say about my fucking cell phone.

Two weeks ago I started getting weirdly sick--or not actually sick; it's unclear! I might've just been pushing my depression into some kind of psychosomatic illness, for all I know--and the result was missing 2.5 days of work, seeing my new doctor only to be told there is basically nothing wrong with me, and dropping the ball on what was shaping up to be a pretty decent fitness program. Motherfucker. I swear to christ that every time I try to be good, some shit happens and I lose my grip. It happened last fall with the walking to work/ankle sprain fiasco, and I'm sure it's happened other times. I can't tell you how many times I've dropped out of martial arts classes after suffering a cold and missing two sessions. (Okay, I can. It's twice.)

Right now, the only real symptom I'm experiencing is that I feel lightheaded pretty much all the time. It started when the illness started and I was on my period. I started taking B-12 at my doctor's suggestion, and I might add some iron supplements, but I don't know that this is actually a nutritional deficiency. Also, I know at least some of this was real because Kevin came down with most of the same symptoms.

Oh, this is disjointed, and I have no patience for anything. The smoke alarm is going off, again, as it likes to do when it's feeling neglected. It sees us in the kitchen, cooking, and we're not giving it affection, so it goes off. I want to throttle it, but I'll settle for angrily waving a broom at it.

I'm not feeling very inspired or motivated to do much of anything. Pretty much nothing appears to be happening on the Cryptic Step 4 thing and as the days drag on I feel less and less talented and interesting. I am going to waste in my own mind and at my own desk and I hate it. I have always been this fucking self-defeating; it's probably my worst trait (and I certainly have a lot of bad traits). I always feel like if I've got someone else to answer to, I can do anything, but left to my own devices, I'll languish.

Though even that last part isn't entirely true; I made a promise to an old friend and broke it in a seriously pathetic way. I still can't even talk to her, even though she's repeatedly told me all is forgiven. So what do you do when one positive thing you always believed about yourself is proven untrue?

I don't know, but right now the therapy involves watching shitty TV to pass the time and listening to music to grieve the passing of my soul.

I hate depression.

I mean, I think that's what's going on, because I can't make my head stop beating myself up, and I feel like I've got nothing to look forward to or anything interesting to say, and food doesn't sound delicious, etc. That, and I've been passive-aggressive and neglectful and flaky in the extreme with regard to one friend and also haven't managed to get my shit together to smog-check my stupid car so I can get my new registration sticker, which is due.

I am trying to get some things working out better in my life, and have actually taken, like, three steps in that direction. Is it cryptic enough to say that I'm working on taking my future more seriously? Also I'm taking pilates at the Campbell community center, which, two classes in, is fucking difficult. That is step 1. Step 2 is that I bought some new athletic shoes, and step 3 will be to start walking to work again in said new shoes. Step 4 is the cryptic thing. Step 5 involves planning some travel, and I'm just feeling that out at the moment. Thinking of maybe Morocco, Spain; somewhere in the Mediterranean; Peru and Ecuador--I don't know. Somewhere that requires me to get shots (which I guess would leave out the European bit).

The things to look forward to include tickets to some cool shows, like Comedy Death Ray at SF Sketchfest on Monday, John Vanderslice at the end of February, and both Ted Leo + Pharmacists and the Mountain Goats in early March. It's an embarrassment of riches, and I can barely get excited. My brain is fucking stupid. It can only think of the annoying things that are happening around me and the things I am doing wrong.

Anyway, the new Blogger shit lets me tag things, whoopdy-do. So here's to tagging.

Hiiiiidey-ho.

driftwood man, originally uploaded by emily ca..

Photos from my new camera (meaning, from my trip home) are now on Flickr. Rejoice, ye masses, and be merry.

Yeah, I fell off the face of the Earth.

I do that periodically.

So I turned 25 a week ago Monday. Kevin was sick with a nasty cold all weekend, so nothing exceptionally fun happened. I had to cancel Friday dinner, but I did bring the curry over to their house on Saturday instead, and we had a nice little dinner. I also baked a ton of cookies AND a gingerbread apple pie.

Sunday, after much ado about Kevin's well-being, we went to Santa Cruz for some low-key family birthday co-celebrating. First up was his mom, where we had the pie, hung out, and exchanged a few gifts. Kevin conspired with his mom and gave me a really sweet Canon PowerShot, dudes! So my poor Panasonic Lumix with the burnt-out LCD backlight has been eclipsed. (I do still want to get that puppy fixed, if the price is right, and possibly pass it along to my mom.) He also gave me a Gorillapod, which is an articulated tripod, and his mom gave me a nice, simple case for the camera. Actually, I think today is her birthday, so happy birthday to Kevin's mom. Next, we went to his dad's for dinner and some more presents. His dad's girlfriend is another December birthday. Dinner was dahl, mixed vegetables, and rice, yum. I can't say no to anything with lentils (provided it's vegetarian). Then the three birthday people blew out candles on a pecan tart and opened more presents. I received a silicon baster (since they knew I didn't have anything to brush, say, butter on bread for cooking) and a 2GB camera memory card. Sweet!

Monday was my actual birthday and of course I had to work. In order to avoid having cake and candles and singing, I brought in a big tray of my delicious, vegan, homemade cookies (and some of the really awesome Thai sweet and spicy nuts) for everyone and told HR not to make a thing of it. My boss took me out to lunch, my choice, so I chose Rico's for being one of two restaurants we both actually like. (Even for my birthday, it wouldn't be nice to drag my boss to a Middle Eastern or Thai restaurant when I know she'd order the blandest thing and have to pick half of the accoutrements off, anyway. That's just sad.) After work, with Kevin still sick, the Editor and his fiancee took me out for dinner -- I'm a cheap date, I just wanted falafel and a lemonade at Yiassoo -- and a movie, so we all finally saw For Your Consideration. It sucked about as much as all the reviewers said, but as Christopher Guest fans, we felt content having seen it at all.

Tuesday I lucked out with another birthday lunch, this time courtesy of one of my coworkers, from Just Laziz, a really cool Lebanese bakery that specializes in phenomenal manakeesh (like pizza, Middle Eastern-style) and where my coworkers are obsessed with the baba ganoush. In the evening, Kevin's dad was in town, so we took him to our favorite Thai restaurant. He was suitably impressed. We also found Kevin a suit at Burlington Coat Factory so he could attend my company's Christmas party in something other than holey slacks. But that's another goddamn story and I'm going in chronological order. Anyway.

Wednesday I wanted to kill my boyfriend because he had buyer's remorse and wanted to beg off the fancy dinner, and I let him do it. So after work I went and finally saw Borat and was generally in a bad mood despite that. Also I had to cook for my company's potluck lunch the next day -- the Ethiopian spiced lentil dish I think I've linked to in a previous post.

Thursday was the company potluck. It was really a fantastic spread this year. A lot of home cooking, excellent home cooking. My lentils were awesome, of course, but another coworker friend (the one who likes coming to the Campbell farmers' market) made butternut squash penne and cheese, which was amazing. The gift exchange had a number of hilarious moments. My secret santa recipient really enjoyed her favorite bottle of wine and selection of four dark chocolate bars, and I was given a pair of Century movie ticket gift certificates and $10 for La Pizzeria, yum! In the evening I watched the 1-hour The Office and pondered the similarities between Michael Scott and our own CEO. You know, your typical "water cooler"-type viewing.

Friday I was totally coming down with Kevin's nasty cold. I had a half day of work and spent most of the afternoon napping, then preparing for the party. The party was good, but afterwards, I went to bed and practically did not get up for the rest of the weekend. The cold was just that bad. I did have to cat-sit, but Kevin had to cover for me on Sunday.

This week has been just plain work and avoiding doing the dishes due to stubborness and laziness. I'm leaving for Portland/Seaside/Seattle on Saturday afternoon. Christmas shopping is pretty much done. Just have to pack now.

Happy birthday to Kevin! And also more food.

Today is Kevin's birthday! He is 111 years old.

I have been cooking-obsessed this week. It's awesome. On Sunday, I made the quinoa and black-eyed pea croquettes from Vegan with a Vengeance again, this time with the accompanying mushroom sauce. These turned out really well (as opposed to last time, when they were dry and not all that flavorful), probably in part because I actually had more of the correct ingredients this time and in part because half the quinoa allotment was actually bulghur. I also make Sicilian-style broccoli from The Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen, which is pan-steamed with red pepper flakes, garlic, and crushed capers, and a nice side of barley and wild rice pilaf. Monday night featured some lightly creative reworking of the previous night's meal, mostly in the form of the mushroom sauce over whote wheat rotini, which was a nice combination.

Tuesday I felt ambitious and made the Lebanese stuffed swiss chard that was abandoned from my Thanksgiving menu due to its complexity. It was the right decision, but damn, the dish was tasty. Like a more tender dolma with fresher, brighter flavors, surrounded by a nice broth. For protein, I accompanied it with a simple lentil soup (green lentils, browned onion, cumin).

Last night I tested this Ethiopian lentil stew recipe with a few minor adjustments -- I used red lentils and cooked them with the sauce, and instead of 10 plum tomatoes and tomato paste, I used a big can of whole fire-roasted tomatoes, both liquid and fruit, chopping the tomatoes before adding them. It turned out pretty well indeed, so I think it will be my office potluck contribution next week. But I am not so ambitious as to make injera; no, I stuck with a simple polenta (made according to Cook's Illustrated). The potluckers will get basmati rice, though. Polenta is a pain in the ass and doesn't really travel well.

Friday night the Editor and his fiancee are coming over for dinner, hooray! So you know I'm going to be a menu-planning freak about it. Real Vegetarian Thai had a "winter menu" suggestion that sounded ideal, considering I already bought some of the main ingredients at the farmers' market. It's a Burmese-style red curry (no coconut milk) with ginger, yams, and button mushrooms with a side of vegetables (in this case, I think red cabbage and orange cauliflower) sauteed in vegetarian "oyster" (a.k.a. shiitake mushroom) sauce and garlic, brown jasmine rice, and sweet and spicy nuts for dessert. I think I'll also make a very simple tofu and greens soup. The curry has to be made the night before (with curry paste I made last night) to let the flavors fully develop.

It's 8 a.m. and I am writing about food. Good lord.

Speaking of, time to go make breakfast. What says "happy birthday, now seriously, get up and go to work before noon" more than a hot bowl of dubiously prepared amaranth porridge, sliced apple, and spearmint tea?

Farmers' market haul and ideas.

I don't always go shopping with a particular recipe in mind. Especially at the farmers' market, I prefer to see what looks good and what has a good price. Most things I get are organic unless otherwise noted (*); then they're said to be no-spray. Kevin requested avocados, but creepy avocado guy wasn't there this week, so that's too bad.

This week, it was:
-Butter lettuce, $1/head
-Dinosaur kale, $1.25/bunch
-Cilantro and Italian parsley, each $1/bunch
-Sweet potatoes, $2/lb (I'm not actually sure if that's the real price)
-Broccoli and orange cauliflower, $1.50/pound
-Beefsteak tomatoes, $2/pound
-Yellow and red onions, $2/pound
-Button mushrooms, $3/pound
-Granny smith apples, $1/pound*
-Meyer lemons, $2/pound* (and yes, I could just get these from Kevin's mom, but we haven't been down there in awhile)

Now I just have to figure out what I want to do with all of it.

Well, I plan on making a gingerbread apple pie with half of the four pounds of apples I bought. I could even make another batch of those apple crumb cake muffins that turned out so well. Tomatoes and onions are infinitely useful in myriad recipes, so that's easy. There are quite a few potentially new and interesting ways to use sweet potatoes, as well as a few old hat recipes that stood up to scrutiny. I like to make salads to bring to work, so there goes the butter lettuce; mushrooms come in handy often enough. I can pretty much always find some use for good greens (the dinosaur kale) and broccoli, and cauliflower is perfect in Indian-type foods. Plus I still have a little red cabbage left from last week. I was hoping to find organic russet potatoes, but had no such luck, so another trip to Whole Foods may be in my future should I want to do something potatoey.

Addtionally, I've been working on holiday cookies. There are three packets of dough in my freezer now, and one batch of test cookies on my stovetop. The test cookies were a Lebanese recipe involving fine semolina (instead of flour), rose water and orange blossom water, and pistachios. They are basically a butter cookie with a very different texture. I think they're interesting. The doughs are for ginger cookies (I like to put a spicy candied pecan on top), chocolate raspberry thumbprints, and lemon-orange butter cookies.

I'm also the sicko who finished ordering Christmas presents by the end of November this year, though. Don't mind me.

I did promise cooking obsession, didn't I?

Because I wouldn't want to disappoint, at least not right away.

Tonight I felt a little creative. Like I have probably mentioned before, it's my experience that Kevin likes the stuff I cook more often when I don't use a recipe, so I'm trying to do more of that. It requires more creativity, regardless, so it's a little more fun sometimes.

I was cooking some chickpeas, anyway, so I went ahead and made a simple (if underseasoned) basmati rice pilaf with vegetable broth, shallots, and garlic, with chickpeas, ground coriander, and ground ginger added towards the end of cooking. I served it with a sprinkling of lightly chopped cilantro and sour heirloom tomato wedges all around, salted. I'd definitely add more of a kick to this if I made it again--cayenne, more coriander, perhaps more ginger, perhaps some cumin. Cumin is my spice crutch, though, so I'm trying to experiment.

As a side dish, I made a dish with red cabbage and shredded carrot. First I fried about a half teaspoon of fennel seeds in a splash of olive oil, then I added the carrot and cabbage and turned the heat up high and tossed it all around until the cabbage seemed just barely cooked, then turned off the heat and added about a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, which sizzled in the hot pan. To this I added more cilantro and about two tablespoons of toasted and chopped pistachios. This dish turned out really well; both Kevin and I enjoyed it.

Someday in the future I might have a working digital camera. If I had one now, I would've posted pictures, because these dishes looked very pretty. Especially the cabbage.

I'm thinking tomorrow I'll do a (purple!) cauliflower and potato dry fry with cumin seeds and cilantro, backed up with simple channa masala (hey, I cooked a lot of chickpeas) and plain basmati rice.

The farmers' market is still selling me fresh and beautiful organic tomatoes for $2 a pound. The next time someone gives me shit about living in California, at least I'll have a good answer.

As requested, some recipes.

Or more accurately, where to get some recipes, because they're copyrighted or whatever and I liked the cookbooks.

Lebanese Cuisine by Anissa Helou was the source of my fish recipe (p. 109-110). The recipe calls for one 3 lb. fish, scaled and gutted, but we used about 3.5 lb. of tilapia filets, halved and rolled up, stuffed, and tied with twine. I haven't made a ton of things out of this book, but it does serve as a pretty good reference for what flavors belong in this type of cooking without reading too obscure.

Vegan with a Vengeance by Isa Chandra Moskowitz is the source for my sweet potato pie with maple nut topping (p. 234-235). If you like vegan comfort food, I can't recommend this book enough, although oddly my actually vegan boyfriend hasn't been too impressed with the things I've made with this book. Too bad; I am! He did cop to liking the pie, at least. He is human, after all.

High-Flavor, Low-Fat Vegetarian Cooking by Steven Raichlen has the recipe for the Armenian pomegranate pate (p. 6). I've only made one or two other things from this book, but it has lovely, glossy pictures and somewhat inspiring recipes that, apparently, I never have all the ingredients to make. It's a little odd that way. Also, the dude who wrote this has a barbecue cooking show on PBS.

Invitation to Mediterranean Cooking by Claudia Roden has a couple minor recipes used in my Thanksgiving dinner (eggplant puree, traditional variation, p. 30; bulghur pilaf with raisins and pine nuts, p. 84) as well as a broad overview of recipes from several Mediterranean countries (not just European).

The Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen by Donna Klein is a vegan cookbook with a commendable goal: to avoid using substitutions to make something vegan, but still having a recipe based in reality/tradition. Want to make pesto without the cheese? Some people couldn't afford cheese, so they did without. I really like this cookbook, the type of cuisine it focuses on, and its attitude, so even when I don't really like a recipe, I still keep it in mind. It's definitely not gathering dust. This was the source for mashed potatoes (though I added about six cloves of raw garlic to the cooked product), butternut squash gratin, and pesto-stuffed mushroom caps.

Today I cooked without the aid of cookbooks, using up some of my Thanksgiving herb leftovers to make a basil-mint hummus (omit garlic and olive oil; add tons of fresh basil and about 6-8 sprigs of mint) and items freshly acquired at the farmers' market to make potato-leek soup with ground coriander for a most excellent kick. I also had tea with homemade mixed nut scones (Vengeance, above) and raspberry preserves for breakfast.

Also? I suggest adding fresh orange zest, dried cranberries, and a dash of cinnamon to your pancakes.

The obsessive cooking phase is back in effect, guys. At least for now.

Your daily dose of mapley goodness.

would you like some nuts with that pie?, originally uploaded by emily ca..

The pie. The dinner. The legend.

Okay, no legend. But it was tasty and my mom has a little photographic evidence to that end.

Here's how it went.

So yesterday we cooked and ate mass quantities and had even more leftovers. It was pretty awesome.

Appetizers
pomegranate and walnut pate - this was pretty interesting. My mom and sister were pretty fond of it; Kevin thought it was weird.
hummus - I can make awesome hummus in my sleep, so whatever.
caponata or eggplant salad
pita bread

Main Course
baked fish with coriander and nut stuffing, Lebanese-style - this was SUPER CRAZY DELICIOUS. We ended up using tilapia filets and wrapping them around a wad of stuffing, tying it with string, then baking it upright with a little white wine in the bottom of the pan. An unqualified success.
vegan option, at Kevin's discretion - he didn't opt for anything in particular, so he got tomatoes with some of the stuffing for the fish (the stuffing itself was vegan).

Sides
fennel, orange, and arugula salad - looked amazing; tasted okay. No one really said anything about it, but if it at least made a nice visual impression, I'm happy.
stuffed swiss chard leaves* - the recipe was deemed too complicated and the item unnecessary.
broiled mushrooms with pesto* - quite lovely, if simple.
Italian-style brown rice salad - no one from my house/family liked this, but Kevin's dad did, so I sent all the leftovers with him, even though they were going up to Yosemite today. I suggested they mix in some chicken or tuna and maybe yogurt or mayo and it would probably be good in a pita or sandwich, but overall, the flavors just didn't do it for me, anyway.
garlic mashed potatoes (just garlic, olive oil, and potatoes) - I probably should have made these the day-of instead of making them on Tuesday and reheating them, but I think they present good reworking opportunities. The reheating really dried them out, though.
provencal butternut squash gratin - completely delicious. Not overseasoned and a very melt-in-your-mouth texture.
spinach sauteed with pine nuts and raisins*
bulghur pilaf with pine nuts and raisins* - bland, but tasty. People like bulghur; it's a nice little grain. Kevin picked out the raisins, but otherwise called this dish his favorite. (The other ingredients were toasted pine nuts and vegetable broth. Thanks.)
challah a la Margot - one vegan and one non-vegan loaf. She shaped the non-vegan loaf into an absolutely adorable fish that rose and almost stopped looking like a fish, so she brushed it with some blue, red, and brown egg wash, which made it look hilariously Easter-y. The vegan loaf was formed into a fabulous turkey (the only turkey at dinner) for irony's sake and it was delicious.

Dessert
sweet potato pie with lots of nuts - PHENOMENAL. I halved the sugar called for in the filling recipe, but otherwise followed directions and it came out BEAUTIFUL. So much good sweet potato, maple, and nut flavors with a lovely, nutty, graham cracker crust.
pear and cranberry tort (or other basically fruity dessert)* - Kevin requested simple cut fruit, so that's what we had -- pineapple, mango, oranges, apples, and kiwi. I think only the oranges, pineapple, and mango got served, though.
something very, very chocolatey*

Also, Kevin's dad brought a "rainbow yam" dish with a sauce that -- as I recall -- was made with mango, vanilla, and rum, among possibly other things and was quite tasty as well.

Overall, it was a success. Hooray! Today we are thinking of going to a movie or two or three and looking at mattresses while avoiding Black Friday sales of HORROR.

They're not literally his children.

Dude, tonight's Veronica Mars had an A-plot that straight-up mimicked The Big Lebowski. My favorite TV show paying homage to my favorite movie? Fucking killer! I was dorking the hell out.

Speaking of dorking out, I am really obsessed with my Thanksgiving menu this week. I cannot shut up. Also, my house is still not clean and that is freaking me out. My mom is coming in tomorrow at noon and will be home without me all afternoon. Ack ack ack ack. Hopefully Kevin will forego sleep in pursuit of my sanity, heh. (It's all his stuff, pretty much. There will be some picking up in the living room that I can do, and general neatening up of the place, but the piles... those are his. I can't touch them.) Anyway, a lot of stuff is made or just needs some finishing touches and reheating, so the cooking portion, at least, shouldn't be a huge stressor. Plus it all looks pretty tasty!

Happy unturkey day!