You have no idea how much anxiety those little words cause.
Calling someone is my last resort. Always. Except my mom or my boyfriend.
Asking for help, too, is a last resort. I'd prefer to think there are few problems I will encounter that I cannot tackle personally. Obviously, this is far from the truth, but it's my working solution.
So when someone says, "If you have any questions, just give us a call," I have to shudder a little. Because I won't call. Even if I have questions. Even if they're important.
It's stupid, but it's the goddamn truth.
My mouse appears to be broken. It's willing to manipulate the cursor slightly every once in awhile, but not much more signs of life exist. It's in a coma or something. Guess I'll have to replace it. Fortunately, I am muddling through keyboard shortcuts and hot keys to maneuver my X-session. That is, I can have windows and not use my mouse. Tres geek, no?
It's only a matter of time before something actually big in my computer blows up. Something expensive. This mutt box, this little Frankenstein machine is surviving nicely otherwise. When all you do is leave it on constantly, running Linux and sometimes listening to mp3s, it takes a lot to kill it.
The burn cream has finally stopped stinging. The only pain now seems to be muscular. My calves are super unhappy-feeling for how I've had to treat them this past week. All kinds of excess and strain, these puppies have endured. They're not taking kindly to gravity these days, no sirree. Amazingly, my ankles don't hurt. Just the calf muscles. And that's a dull, sometimes crampy ache. I can ride it out by keeping my legs up as much as possible. If they are level with my hips, all is right with the world.
It seems strange that less than a week ago, I found it impossible to hold anything useful on my skin--cold packages or gels--and suddenly, it's easy as pie. Gauze. I'd never have thought of it. The wonders of modern medicine.
Next weekend I am to drive to Portland with Josie. We think Christine will be home by then. We have every intention of spending some time with her. I'm not sure how much Christine knows about these intentions, but she will now, Ms. Blog-reader. We've missed you immensely.
Oh, and there's a Cambodian Buddhist wedding. My sister is flying up from San Francisco for it and everything. Koko and mom and my aunt will be down. It's between my brother's best friend and my sister's-in-law sister. It will be a big deal, but mom doesn't plan to attend all the ceremonial stuff. She says this time, no one will translate. She says they won't let her participate this time, because she's not married. She's going to stay with her friend Mag, who lives less than a mile from my brother and who also lost her husband to prostate cancer. She's getting a hotel room for the rest of us. To have a base. To have free continental breakfasts and Shirley Temples in the evening. To not have to drive in from wherever our friends live that we could actually stay with, since our friends don't live in Beaverton. At least mine don't.
And now, it's time for Pill #4 for the day. It's a red capsule. Then maybe I'll grill some Ahi tuna for my dinner, if I can sit down. Happy weekend.