A Quick Summary of OTC Sunburn Remedies

Or, Why Is It That If "U" Is the Second Letter of a Word, I Always Capitalize It If I've Capitalized the First Letter?

Whew. That was a lot of capitalizing.

So, here's what the burn looks like. This is the left leg:



It looks much paler in the photo than it IS.

Seriously. Coming home from the Eels show last night, some dudes on the bus commented on its redness. We got into an amusing conversation in which one of them attributed my burn to "the Devil" because there could be no other explanation, and the other stated that I took the red pill. I said it (the ibuprofen) was actually more of a mauve, but it's more red than blue, sure.

I am now trying Tylenol (after ibuprofen and Aleve) to help the swelling. So far, it hasn't done jack, as you can see.



My ankle should not be that thick. And yet, this is what counts as improvement. I demand a refund!

Things that have helped:

Solarcaine, briefly. Aerosol spray is so pleasantly cool.

Wearing skirts that don't fall past the knee. Unfortunately, I have exactly two of these, no shorts (save plaid flannel boxers which, um, no), and no capris/waders/etc. Perhaps this is retribution of the fashion nazis.

Splashing around in a tub of cool water, if by "tub" you mean old trashbin lined with a bag too small for it so it starts falling off the edges.

Walking or not walking (i.e., sitting).

Mom strongly suggested I take on this madness:



...which STUNG LIKE A BITCH. Holy fucking cow. She said it would improve. Well, after I got over the wincing and whelping long enough to just lie there and read a book, it STILL stung, and then I had to get up to get water or something and the nylon socks I'd used to tie it on (better fastener than, say, dental floss) REALLY stung. So, anyway, no.

At least I'm dressed so far today. And I went to Safeway for some hydrocortisone spray, which some website claims will be of assistance in the long run. I could've easily used creme, sure, but that would hurt like hell to apply. I am all about the sprays at this point.

I should probably get those frozen berries and peas back to the freezer at some point. And make food.

I am going to be totally late for work, but I think that's fair. I just need to be there before 5 so no one has to stay late. I think I'll be there by 2, which is only an hour late.

I haven't bathed since Sunday, though I have washed important parts. I think my hair can just stay greasy today. Who the fuck cares.

At this time I would also like to point out that Kevin is a good boyfriend and Jenny's new apartment is fuckin' sweet.