10 Qualities I Seek in a Roommate

We'll be looking for a fourth roommate to replace Jen when she moves back to campus at the end of September. Chris is gone all September, so that means Josie and I will constitute the selection committee. We're putting out feelers for a friend-of-a-friend kind of situation, but will resort to SHA postings if necessary. So here's my list. It's not inclusive or exclusive; it's just things I'd be looking for.

1. Doesn't smoke. At least not often. Even if they took their smokables on the porch, it'd waft inside and the smell would be on their clothes and stick to the furniture. To my smoking friends: I love you, but I do not want to live with it.
   
   
2. Friendly and at least somewhat talkative. I don't need you to be my best friend--although as of this weekend, two of my roommates *are* some of my best friends, and the departing fourth is a friend--but it would be nice if you could be sociable with us.
   
   
3. Not argumentative. I need to feel comfortable to say stupid shit in my own home, and while we all tend to engage in debate, it isn't much of an argument. There is a fine line between the two, and some people don't seem to understand where it is.
   
   
4. Doesn't steal shit. That should go without saying, but I've had friends whose roomies would steal food, even if the friend was more than willing to share if they'd just ask. I've had friends whose (stranger) roomies stole DVDs from their bedrooms and no one would own up to it. That just fucking sucks. We have a lot of stuff that we are more than willing to share--in fact, we keep lots of kitchen supplies, books, DVDs, videos, games, tools, etc. that are available on shelves and in closets for people to use if they need them without outright asking the owners.
   
   
5. Willing to clean. We all hate cleaning (at least certain things), but it must be done. This house looks like sloppy shit if it isn't at least swept occasionally, and the kitchen requires cleaning all the freaking time to be usable. Help with dishes, sweeping, mopping, wiping counters, taking out trash, organizing recyclables, putting away your stuff, bringing dishes to the kitchen, and cleaning the bathrooms are all things we do to help out. Right now, there isn't a set cleaning schedule or anything like that, but we may institute one if we can find a way that makes actual sense.
   
   
6. If you have overbearing parents, try not to let them visit too often. One can only smile and nod for so long before wrath would be incurred, except that it's someone's parents and you can't really lose your shit at them.
   
   
7. We're definitely movie snobs in some respect. It might help if you're not someone who was interested in seeing Gigli, "that movie with J-Lo and umm... you know, Ben... something." (Honest to god, someone said this on the bus. Just after declaring her intent to see American Wedding because she heard it was really funny.) Your roommates would be a movie theater employee, an aspiring filmmaker/cinema studies major/former IMDb intern, and me, who just likes movies. And also used to intern at IMDb, too.
   
   
8. Don't whine about how scary the Ave is, or our part of the U-District. Crazy shit happens around here, it's true; our street and alley are full of wackos. Why, just the other day, the vacant lot behind us that bums tend to sleep in caught on fire. Strange cars are often parked in the space three lots over where the remains of a Burger King sit behind chain-link fence. We swear our next-door neighbor grows pot in the basement. A couple houses are band houses that throw punkrock house parties all the time. It'll keep you up at night and wake you in the morning if you're a light sleeper, but it's unlikely to actually DO anything beyond annoy you. It just makes life more colorful, and hey, anytime you need late-night crazy people entertainment *and* a fine Odwalla beverage, you can skip over to Safeway less than a block away.
   
   
9. You must like the color burnt orange. Or pumpkin spice, or butterscotch vomit. It's been called many things: hideous, possibly tolerable, and great. It's the color of all four walls in the room that will be vacant.
   
   
10. Be at least slightly technologically adept, or at least willing to listen to us. If you do things that fuck with our network, our internet connection can suffer. Don't do that. Don't leave yourself open to all kinds of viruses and vulnerabilities, be smart about filesharing, and don't try to fix problems you know nothing about.